Proof of my drunken tails...

Oh ya know, just givin' out $dolla dolla bills$ with my teeth...

One addition to the latest...

Top 5 FaVoRiTe SoNgS RiGhT nOw:

5. Nothin' on you - B.O.B.

4. All I do is win - DJ Khaled

3. Say somethin - Timbaland & Drake

2. Telephone - Beyonce & Lady Gaga

1. Like a G6 - FM

Top 5's

Que pasa stalker?! My blog has clearly been my last priority in the past few weeks, and for that, I apologize to the people who's only fun in life comes from living vicariously through mine. Today, I feel like top 10's.

The top 5 things on my mind at the moment:

5. Mother Nature. Dear MN, you are a cunt. Is it getting hotter or colder? It's like your going through menopause. One day its 70, then its 40, then it snows, then its 80. WTF mate? Pick a fucking season and stick with it...make it summer, please. Thank you.

4. Charter Communications. I hope your company is force to file Chapter 11 annually. Your bundle blows and your customer service is less than satisfactory. Can I, for at least a month, go without having problems with your shit-stick-fuck-useless cable boxes?

3. Income. Cheers to my finances right now. Money is looking good (cuz I'm working nonstop), and I'm loving it.

2. Technology. New Blackberry & Ipod Touch. I feel so technologically connected with the world. I still have no idea how to work either, but just keeping in mind "baby steps..."

1. Sunday, March 28. What a shit show of a sunday funday. The most conservative republican and biggest gay-hater ever was dragged (haha no pun intended) to the Miss Madison drag show @ Club 5. Cheers to you Mr. L, you've got snaps and moves like I've never seen before. As for me giving drag queens dollar bills from my teeth, passing trays of shots (that I didn't pay for, sorry Jeffrey, thank you Visa) to people I didn't know and ruining the taping of the entire "pageant," well all I can say is, look for an apology from Blackhaus, cuz you won't get one here!!

Top 5 things I'm looking forward to doing this summer:

5. Skydiving in the honor of the greatest woman to walk this earth.

4. See Tom Petty three separate times!!! (twice @ summerfest and once in chicago)

3. Sitting outside with great cocktails and great friends.

2. Getting in shape!! Can't wait to start running again and get back on a workout regimen.

1. The spontaneous random bullshit that is bound to happen. Life happens when people are too busy making plans. While I've got much to do this summer and a lot of stuff planned, I still love the random days and random fun that happens drunk and sober. I think summer of 2010 is gona top them all.

Top 5 people I want to spend my summer with:

5. Molly Stiffler.

4. Carl/Carla/Rhonda.

3. Molly Stiffler.

2. All the idiots I already hang out with...

1. Tie between Molly Stiffler & Gary Coleman. (Since I've never met Gary, Stiffler's chances are looking good right now.)

That's all for now...

Peace, love & cocktails =)

Feelin' so fly like a G6...

CAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRLLLLLLLLLLL! I am hammered, but would be than okay to remember tongiht.

My neighbors suck at life...

Excuse me, but it is 4 in the fucking morning...turn your music off!! I have just ended a 5 day bender...all together, I'm sure that I have polished off about 3 bottles of blackhaus and maybe 70 bottles of miller lite since tuesday. yes, i know that a&e has a show called intervention, go fuck yourself, i don't need one.

This is for my Bitty's...

What up Bitty's? Well, there's one Bitty in this house and its K-Dawg/Breezy. Cocktails & BlackHaus...done and done. Kobe. Leftover Jambalaya. Kobe.

Sir, Judging by the way you just walked up the stairs...you need to leave. What?!

Carls and rhondas and carlas...OH MY!! What a week kids!! If you have been carried out of the bar and/or asked to leave for the way you walked up stairs within the same 72 hour period...well, then you're me. Met some idiots @ Nockschpiel (sp?) and we decided to follow up with Madison's. While talking to the horniest piece of ass I've ever met (yes, Ellen, we can see that you're wet through your pants...sorry for the graphic talk but its oh so true...wait, why am I apologizing when this is my fucking blog?) a bouncer approaches me and says something along the lines of "Sir, judging by the way you just walked up the stairs, you need to leave." I turned around, shocked by Carl, and said, "Comosewhatwasldkfj?!" After a little chat things were settled, but honestly, the way I walked up the stairs? I'm sorry sir/Carl, but maybe I just have a little bit of swagger aaaaaand your jealous? No, actually I was hammered...but still!!! After realizing how crushed I was, I called the oh-so-wonderful Badger Cab. (Ps. I SAW JEAN LAST NIGHT!!! ...follow-up later on that one) Aaaaappppparently I passed out in the cab...but I don't feel like going there. All and all, it was a wonderful night...except that my fucking leftover jambalaya is in molly's "fridge." (I mean, you said "it's like a fridge") I really gotta start writing these when I'm hammered or sober, not this in between and still drunk shit. And they say yeeeeeeeah! And they stay there! And they yeeeeeeahhhh!!! Up down, up down, up down....cuz all I do is win, win, win!!! (All I do is win by DJ Khaled....download it). As always, go fuck yourself and have a nice day :)

Ain't no way to explain or say
How painful the hangover was today
In front of the toilet, hands and knees
Trying to breathe in between the dry heaves
My baby made me some coffee
Afraid that if I drink some it's probably coming right back out me
Couple of advil, relax and chill
At a standstill with how bad I feel
I think I need to smell fresh hair
So I stepped out the back door and fell down the stairs
The sunlight hit me dead in the eye
Like it's mad I gave half the day to last night
My bad sight made me trip on my ass right into that patch of grass like that's life
All of a sudden, I realize something
The weather is amazing, even the birds are bumpin
Stood up and took a look and a breath
And there's that bike that I forgot that I possessed
Never really seen exercise as friendly
But I thing something's telling me to ride that slow speed
The brakes are broken, it's alright
The tires got air and the chain seems tight
Hopped on and felt the summertime,
It reminds me of one of them Musab lines like

Sunshine, sunshine, it's fine
I feel it in my skin, warming up my mind,
Sometimes you gotta give in to win,
I love the days when it shines, whoa let it shine

If I could I would keep this feeling in a plastic jar
Bust it out whenever someone's actin hard
Settle down, barbeque in the backyard
The kids get treats and old folks get classic cars
Every day that gets to pass is a success
Every woman looks better in a sun dress
The sunshine's an excuse to shoot hoops, get juice
Show improve their moves and let loose
I hear voices, I see smiles to match em
Good times and you can feel it in the fashion
Even though the heat cooks up the action
The streets still got butterflies
Enough kids to catch 'em
Ridin my bike around these lakes man
Feelin like I finally figured out my escape plan
Take it all and the day started off all wrong
Somehow now that hangover is all gone
Ain't nothing like the sound of the leaves
When the breeze penetrates these southside trees
Leanin' up against one, watchin the vibe
Forgettin' all about the stress, thanking god I'm alive
It's so simple, I had to keep the song simple
When I get home I'm gonna open all the windows
Feelin all right, stopped at a stop sign
A car pulled up, bumpin Fresh Prince's Summertime

Can't get this song outta my head right now!!! Atmosphere...gotta love em!!

Dear Life, Could I please wake up sober for a day? Love, Evski

I think my dog is judging me...I have only made it to my bed twice in the last month, meaning that the other 28 days have been spent face down on the couch (one morning I woke up under my dining room table, but I don't feel like going there right now). One of these days, I swear I'll give my liver a break. Not sober enough for a full post - check back for my thoughts on last night. PS. Rob and Molly, I hope you go to hell for fueling my Blackhaus addiction. Go fuck yourself...oh and have a nice day :) Peace & Love.

Ever left the house before, Carl?

I think that every person should have to buss tables, wash dishes, serve tables and bartend before they are allowed to play this game of life. I can't even begin to tell you how many times a day I would like to say "You sir, Carl, are a fucking idiot." If a server/bartender approaches you and says "Hi, how are you today?" Don't respond with your drink order or what you would like to eat or that you have friends joining you...that wasn't the question, dick. A simple "Fine, how are you today" will suffice. If I ask you if you would like a drink and you respond with, "No, I'll just have water," you sir, are a fucking re-tard. A glass of water is a drink. If you need service, do not wave your arms in the air like a paraplegic in the ocean, do not bang your cocktail on the bar and certainly do NOT call me buddy, chief, champ, kiddo, or barkeep (fuck you, Lynnpool), I know you are there and I will be with you momentarily. Any of these actions will warrant a bitch slap to the face...or me spitting in your food (just kidding, I don't do that...or do I?) In conclusion, go fuck yourself and have a nice day :)

Am I really blogging?

Hey, if you can't beat em...join em. That's what my friend Mattie says anyway (referring to getting a mustache tattoo on her finger, and yes she got it). Not really sure about this blog thing but I'll try it out. I've always wanted to write a book about my random drunken adventures, however, this will do. Enjoy the shit show that is my life.